What mothers really want!

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iphone oct 2012 059Today we celebrated Mother’s Day – a celebration the origins of which we are not all too familiar with (I learned a lot from this fun video on Mother’s day from History.com and from this link about the connection to the peace in the world movement), but apparently we collectively create quite the activity whirl:

  • 2 billion  = total number of mothers in the world
  • 2.5 billion = total amount of $ spent in the US on Mother’s day cards and flowers
  • #1 request from mothers = for kids not to argue (I totally agree with this one!)
  • 4 out of 5 dads take over mother’s responsibilities on Mother’s Day
  • Mother’s Day has the HIGHEST volume of phone calls of any day of the year.

Interestingly, compared to ten years ago, 14% of people are more likely to stay in DAILY contact with their parents due to lower price of long distance and to email and texting. So technology can indeed bring us closer ;)

But that was not the point that I wanted to make. The daily stat brought to mind that we should be celebrating more than once a year the work that mother’s do and the bond that they have created.  Yes, what mothers really want, beyond cards, and flowers, and kids not arguing (and all of those are nice indeed!), yes, what they really want is love and support and recognition on a daily basis. And encouragement to take care of themselves first – similar to instructions we get in airplanes, as without the oxygen on us first, there is no helping others.

So tomorrow, please go out of your way to hug a mom, be it yours or someone else’s and encourage her to take a moment to enjoy herself. We have gathered some cool ideas on our Pinterest – Empowering Moms board – do you have others to suggest?

Alexandra T. Greenhill, MOM, MD, CEO and Co-founder myBestHelper

The best way to get kids to talk

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This Sunday, May 5 takes place Canada’s largest event supporting child and youth mental health and well-being - a “Walk So Kids Can Talk” - and you can do so whether in one of their many locations across Canada or even – so innovative – by “walking” virtually!

Getting kids to talk about what they dream or worry about is not easy. How many of you can relate to the experience of asking “So what happened at school today?” and getting in exchange “Nothing” or even just a head shake?

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, recommends  asking more specific questions such as “What was the best thing about school today?,” “Do the kids at school ever talk about boyfriends and girlfriends?,” “Who did you sit with at lunch today?” or“How did the soccer game go at recess?”. Her blog post is full of other great suggestions.

One sure way of getting kids to talk is to engage them on an activity – whether walking in the park, driving somewhere, working on a project or in the garden – and just commit to listening. This could be called “How to listen so kids will talk”. When not focusing on conversation, words often spontaneously come to them, and if not interrupted or judged, so many observations, questions and descriptions start pouring out of them.

The other way I have come to love is something we discovered at the front of the popular Thea Stilton Sisters kids books series, the five super friends of the adventurous cousin of Geronimo Stilton:  the five main characters had a card describing their secret likes, their qualities and weaknesses, their secret powers, dreams and passions. Then a page followed inviting the owner of the book to fill in their own, which my kids did. Surprising, charming and fascinating, out came ideas I had no idea they had!

Whatever the method, kids need to have a chance to share their thinking and feelings – connect especially to a grown up who can help them celebrate their originality or get the necessary perspective.

Sometimes, even someone who they have never met and will never meet, but available to listen just when they need to speak, can save their dreams and lives.  So this Sunday – be it in person or virtually, consider walking so kids can keep talking.

Alexandra T. Greenhill, MOM, MD, CEO and Co-founder myBestHelper

3 secrets to choosing the BEST nanny or babysitter

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IMG_2468Here is a common question I get: You are looking through helper profiles and they look promising, but how do you choose the right one for you? When you transition from looking at profiles, then phone interview and then in person interview and finally, a trial session, consider the following three key insights about the few critical things that make the relationship work:

1.  The first and foremost is a sense of their genuine love of kids and a general positive attitude. Kids thrive with love and laughter and your house will too! If you go for someone you get along with and would be ok to spend time with, your kids are more likely to enjoy their time with that person too, and that becomes even more important when they get older and want a say in who comes to babysit.

2. Experience with kids is one of the next most important things especially the younger your child is, and ideally, some education in early childhood development. I have hired a number of people who had neither, but showed good common sense and capacity to rapidly learn on the job. I then used my own experience to get them up-to-speed on how to take care of my children, and that has worked well too, as in other cases I had to have people un-learn bad habits they had acquired previously.  Safety training is of course also key, but that is something you can have the right person get after they are hired.

3. General good manners and initiative, and I can’t overstate the importance of that one. Being on time for a call or interview, promptly sending required information about references and training, washing their hands as they enter the house to take care of kids, saying please and thank you. I often test candidates during interviews by doing something – having coffee, meeting in a playground – just to see what happens when real life creates opportunities for them to act. Do they spontaneously pick up what was dropped? Reach over and lend a hand?  People who don’t need to be told what evidently needs to be done are the best hires.

Bonus tip: I always hire someone who has both interests in common with me as well as some skills and passions that are completely different. The first makes it easier to get along, the second enriches our family lives forever and introduces our kids to great ideas about what else they could do when they grow up. Students are particularly great on that front, because nothing is as effective an advertisement for a given field of work as someone who is super excited about what they are currently studying.

Would love to make this the “5 secrets to choosing the best nanny or babysitter”, so please send along tips and ideas!

Alexandra T. Greenhill, MOM, MD, CEO and Co-founder myBestHelper

PEP talks for parents: being “good enough” is the best!

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2013 march 0051Interesting how under pressure we have become as parents seeking to give our kids the very best of everything. Watching the latest Bones, the writers poke gentle fun at her for refusing to consider her daughter as “average”, therefore being set on believing  that the toddler could not possibly have bitten another kid at daycare as that is what only average kids do.  Yet it’s hard not to fall into that pattern, feeling guilty for not exposing our “gifted” offspring with all the wonderful stimulation available from “Baby Mozart” to classes in arts, sports and sciences.

Yet, the evidence for decades has indicated that “good enough” parents raise kids that go on to succeed.   British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott first described the ‘good enough’ mother as a holder of an environment allowing the child to explore and transition at its own rate,  thus giving a strong sense of control and autonomy. It’s a parent who initially comforts and protects, but then as the child grows retreats allowing the child the space to safely learn to face challenge and even failure.

The most recent in the PEP TALKS (Parenting Education Program), presented by the Vancouver International Children’s Festival, was focused on that issue in particular. Lenore Skenazy, author of “Free Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)”. She is famously the mother who allowed her 9 yo son to ride the New York subway. Crazy, eh?

My favorite book on the topic of parenting remains “Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent ” by anthropologist Meredith Small. Well published author-scientist Jared Diamond has a recent update to this angle, but nothing beats the initial premise – best parenting is dependent on when and where: if you live in a jungle, socializing kids to only feel safe when in a group is a matter of survival, while being fairly independent early on is a skill that is praised in our western societies.

My experience has been that the more one learns about parenting, the less daunting the challenge. Whether its historical perspective, scientific analysis or first-hand experience from another parent, these precious insights help me feel more confident and make life easier.  So do consider coming out to the next PEP talks: 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 10 | SHERYL FEINSTEIN | Parenting the Adolescent Brain

WEDNESDAY, MAY 15 | DEBORAH MACNAMARA | The Lost Art of Play

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 12 | LISA BLOOM | Raising Smart Girls and Boys in the New Millennium

Great topics, great delivery, and most importantly, a group of parents like you and me in the audience – sometimes thriving, sometimes struggling with the chaos and complexity that raising kids can represent.  So remember – you are not alone, and reaching out gives support and ideas on how to improve, while striving for “good enough”. Happy Friday!

Alexandra T. Greenhill, MOM, MD, CEO and Co-founder myBestHelper

Kid-friendly food places in Vancouver

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With the weekend coming up, it would be nice to go out with family and friends and have the kids enjoy an environment that is fun and most welcoming to them too. Luckily there are quite a few places in town that offer that option beyond the usual restaurant chains.

If you want a stylish, yet comfortable environment with great coffee and food and a fun play area for kids, you can’t go wrong with Kokopelli Cafe (4593 Dunbar St, corner 30th in the heart of Dunbar) or with Little Nest (1716 Charles Street, just off Commercial Drive, East Vancouver). I love both spaces for how unique and original they are, my kids – because of how unique and original they make them feel.

There are two other coffee places in town that have great food that kids love and a fun child space to play: Café Deux Soleils on 2096 Commercial Dr. has a big black board kids can draw on and Plaisir Sucre French Bakery on 2668 Arbutus St close to 10th has a nice collection of toddler toys.

Another great restaurant with a play area is the Rocky Mountain Flatbread Company. Their pizza is delicious, but it’s certainly not the only option – with a full menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And you just HAVE to try their family pizza making nights – yes, kids and you will love making your own unique version. Yum! There are two locations at 1876 W 1st Avenue in Kitsilano, and at 4186 Main Street, one block South of King Edward.

And you – where do you like to take your kids to eat out?

Alexandra T. Greenhill, MOM, MD, CEO and Co-founder myBestHelper

Kids and their future: Making career choices

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How do we help kids explore ideas about all of the possible choices of careers that are open to them nowadays? Other than taking kids to one’s work places, there are two main options available to parents interested in helping expand their kids’ perspectives: attending events and using online tools.

For the first option, look for events associated with universities or professions. For example, this Saturday, March 23rd, 2013 from 10 am to 4 pm, at the Central Library location of the Vancouver Public Library, it’s E-Fest – there is an interactive set of fun activities around what Engineers and Geoscientists. This is the 17th edition of a truly  great community event for the entire family. Your kids can learn what it would mean to become an engineer through playing with interactive displays and seeing first-hand how the many facets of engineering and geoscience affect our everyday lives.

This is currently also Fashion Week in Vancouver – an amazing gathering of award-winning local and international designers from global fashion centers.  Attending one of the many events will give them insights around a completely different career choices – from sciences to arts!

The second option is using some cool new tech tools to expose young people to wide-ranging career options. Youtube and Vimeo have great videoclips about different professions – both as ads and segments on what these professions do. For example, almost 10 million people have already seen the Code.org video on teaching kids to code - a new ”superpower” that isn’t being taught in most schools. Our kids watched it and then asked to try their hand at coding – and were thrilled when they made the computer do something uniquely of their own idea.

There is a third option as well – a number of university students do babysitting to pay for school. This is – be forewarned :) – a friendly plug for our site, but it’s true – the students we have hired in our own home as babysitters have been an awesome addition to our family and they expose the kids to their various fields of study and interests: nothing like a first hand conversation with someone young and passionate to get the kids excited about finding out more!

Alexandra T. Greenhill, MOM, MD, CEO and Co-founder myBestHelper

Last minute ideas for spring break in Vancouver!

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Dear parents – don’t worry! – to be truthful we are not all super organised and yes, some of us are indeed caught unawares by the upcoming spring break holidays.

While some can afford the trip to Hawaii, Disney land or trek to Whistler, many are stuck in super-rainy city Vancouver. Do not despair! Many things to do – indoors and out. Here are a few great suggestions in addition to the ones posted last month:

- PlayDome is here! What is PlayDome? BC Place becomes for a week starting tomorrow March 16th the host of a giant INDOOR amusement park – from Ferris wheel to kiddie rides to fast ones, for $29/day or $49 for the entire week, kids can have a blast indoors on more than 45 rides! Click here for a $5 coupon from The Beat 94.5. My kids #LOVE going there – and tip – with younger kids, go early in the day as there are no crowds and no hyperactive teenagers.

- The Kids’ Market on Granville Island is again going to be host to tons of fun – check out schedule here.

- Vancouver libraries will be offering a number of activities, the most exciting perhaps at Kensington branch which includes creating the world’s longest paper chain.

- Go (while you still can) to do a game of bowling! Grandview Lanes is still open and less than $40 dollars gets you one hour for up to six bowlers including free shoe rentals for children 12 and under.

- Or maybe you kids can join the circus without running away? Circus West has many options for kids 5 and older.

- And if the weather cooperates, there are daily Wildlife Adventure Camps at Grouse Mountain in addition to the usual ski camps they offer.

And to make the older kids feel more special, there is nothing like dropping off their younger sibling with a friend for a few hours or in a drop-in center – like the one in Vancouver at Broadway and Oak – my youngest loves Buddings so much that she runs to the door!  The one on one attention will make lasting memories.

And – there are tons of crafts available on-line, but my favorite way to discover them has become Pinterest - a picture is indeed worth a thousand words!

Have a happy spring break! ;)

Alexandra T. Greenhill, Mom, MD, CEO and Co-founder myBestHelper